Consumption

Jul. 5th, 2013 12:24 pm
cremains: (always rain)
I dreamt I was walking through a fairy fair. There was a wide, dusty yellow road, and on either side stretched little wooden booths as far as the eye could see, selling jewellery, perfumes, and all manner of foods. I saw people I knew buying food from the booths and warned them, "Don't eat fairy food! Don't buy from fairies at all!" but nobody paid me much attention. I thought it wouldn't be so bad if they bought a beautiful necklace and in the morning it turned out to be a little pile of rocks, but to eat fairy food meant you would get stuck in their kingdom forever.

Finally I came to a building that the kids and I used to walk past when I brought them home, which we called "hajungel" because it had a swimming pool inside and great big vents on the outside which blew very hot and humid air. In the dream I was walking to this "jungle" because class was about to start with my teacher, all about kashruth. At the door I suddenly realised I hadn't been wearing my arm tefilin, which was alarming. I found it in my satchel and pulled it out, but just then my teacher came walking by. "Hello, Yonah," he said to me. I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of him by showing myself to be weird and extremist, so I put the tefilin back in my satchel. As I did so, I noticed it had a little tear in the strap. I wanted to ask about it, but we went inside (where it was Pardes) and class began.

Tornado

Mar. 16th, 2012 11:31 am
cremains: (always rain)
I dreamt I left some sort of high school and was waiting at the bus stop with three women on a large, abandoned road. The wind was howling. Suddenly one of them pointed to the horizon and I saw there was a large, black tornado gathering and coming our way. At first I was unsure if flight was really necessary, but the women began acting terrified, grabbing their things and running away. I started to run, too (but in that way that you're trying to go much faster than the dream will allow), towards the miqlat (bomb shelter) of the high school, managed to wrench open the giant iron door, and dived in. My feet were still outside as the tornado swept by and tried to suck me out, but the people in the miqlat pulled me in and closed the door.

Once inside, I wandered around in shock and took in the people who were quietly milling about, tending to their kids or injuries. A group of people approached me and I became nervous. They beat me horribly for the entire long rest of the dream and it became apparent that they were IRA.

***

The other day, Y. came up to show me proudly how he'd put on his arm tefilin (my old pair, which I gave to him last year). I thought he was showing me the correct way he positioned it, which sadly so many people cannot seem to grasp, and praised him for it until he walked off happily. Later, H. explained that he was showing me that he was covering it with his shirt sleeve, which as he told H., he learnt from me.

I'm feeling adrift these days.
cremains: (drunken vulcan)
I dreamt yet again that my yeshivah was on a shabathon, this time in the mysterious woods. I saw a student there whom I barely know in real life wearing tefilin. "So you too wear it during the day," I said to him.

He said, "Not only that but I'm thinking of having a tefilin party at midnight tonight."

I said, "What! That is completely bizarre, don't you know you can't put them on after sheqiah and can't go out in public if they already were on during the night? And--" here I put on the most contemptuous tone I could muster "--have you ever heard of qaluth rosh? is that a term that's at all familiar to you? Because that is definitely what a party would be."

He started to cry and began blabbering about Dragonlance novels in which the dialogue was written in an imaginary language but the narrative was written in English. I've never read Dragonlance but I've heard the title before.

Anyway in real life I told the guy about my dream of him, and he said it was surprising since just the night before he had had a dream in which he was wearing tefilin on Shabath and trying to hide the fact in embarrassment. In reality this student came back from an egalitarian yeshivah in America very serious and proper about tefilin.

Another dream concerned my old friend from Saskatoon. He had built a tandem bicycle from scratch and was riding it to visit me, in order to show me a haut couture menswear shirt he had sewn from beautiful earthtones. This is actually something he completely would do and maybe has even done it already.
cremains: (Default)
Things with Y.'s school progress slowly but surely and lawyers are involved. Hopefully something will come of it. The school wrote a scathing letter saying that our allegations are vicious slander, yet in typical, stupid hareidi self-righteousness couldn't resist adding that they only hit "in an educational way."

Today Y. and I were talking about our two cats, Mercutio and Cleocatra. Y. asked what Mercutio would do if he ever got his hands on "the Gingi," an apoplectically violent redhaired cat that lurked about our neighbourhood once before a certain pair of people may or may not have illegally deported him to the spring Lifta, at the gates of the city and far away. I told Y. that really, the Gingi was Cleo's enemy; they had gotten in some sort of fight once and although nobody knows what happened, every time she saw him she would work herself into fits of hissing hatred. Mercutio, I explained, didn't like him but didn't care much.

Y. disagreed. He said that if Cleo hated the Gingi, so did Mercutio, because "she is his wife, so they are one body, and that means he feels her hatreds, too."

***

I dreamt that H. and I just generally went about openly with tefilin and a talith gadhol, like the Gr"a. We were with my old yeshivah on a shabaton to some university library, another odd location on par with a previous dream in which we went to a First Nations art festival. It was Friday day. H. and I were looking at a corner bookshelf when some Granik, dressed the same way we were, came up and started shouting at H. I intervened and dragged H. to safety, where we sat down on some steps. The steps were exactly the texture of real university library steps, tiled and sort of dusty.

H. left to go to the bathroom and I was left alone as a butch woman wearing a talith qatan came up to me and started asking about my tefilin. To my surprise she seemed like she wanted to wear hers more, too, and wanted to know what the important laws were. I asked her for writing materials and she handed me a scrap of cereal box and a pen. I wrote down,

TAKE OFF YOUR TEFILIN WHEN:
1. Engaged in manversation
2. Going to bathroom (shel rosh, cover shel yadh)
3. Sexual thoughts


By "manversation" I meant "stupid conversation" and I guess I was referring to "lightheadedness," the idea that you shouldn't goof around with tefilin on. She took the scrap of cardboard and thanked me. The advice I gave her was actually pretty accurate for real life.
cremains: (Default)
Me: Wow, your new glasses look great!
Y: For the one who talks about my new glasses, fire will shoot out of them and burn him to death.
Me: Oh...
Y: Because you didn't know, you were spared, but now you have to be careful.
Me: Oh, okay... thanks...

The night before last I had an extremely realistic dream that I woke up to find my tefillin was still on my arm. Sleeping with tefillin on is very forbidden and when I woke up for real, the dream gave me a terrible feeling of being animalistic and a bad person.

There are many traditional ways to deal with dreams, which range (depending on the dream's severity) from soliciting interpretations to fasting. In this case since I was on the border of how disturbed I was it seemed like the best option was to go listen to the blessing of the kohanim, and in the middle of it to pray that everything vis-a-vis the dream is okay. At my minyan there are normally no kohanim, but the yeshiva right next door has one, and fortuitously they begin prayers right after the other congregation concludes. I feel extremely lucky.

In other news, I've finally sorted out where I'm learning next year, and it's aweseome, exactly where I'd like to be. I'll be working, too, so it will be hard, but that's life and I'm not overly worried.

Finally, S has taken to pretending I'm Yoshi and riding my back all around the city with extreme pleasure, singing spontaneous songs as he goes ("now we're turning the corner, aiyiyi") and throwing his hands in the air. As Yoshi, I get an incredible amount of love from him: "Yoshi, Yoshi, my cute one, how I love you!" Out of character, he also gave me a sticker of a panda cuddling a baby panda, put it on my wrist saying "This is me and you," and warned me that I should press it occasionally so that it will never fall off.

Things with M continue to get worse. I'm not sure if she's being singled out at home for extra caution around "wicked people" because she's a girl, because she's the eldest, or both.
cremains: (Default)
I had a freaky dream wherein it was Purim morning and I, the only person in the room not in costume, was putting on tefillin. However, I couldn't remember how at all. How many revolutions around the arm? Who knows? I ended up putting on way way way too many as the black kept falling off the strap. When I saw my rosh yeshiva (dressed as his wife) come over, I ran to the other side of the room to avoid him seeing me in such a state of ignorance, then realised that was probably a pretty big hefsek so I'd made things even worse. When I put on the shel rosh, almost all the black fell off it.
cremains: (always rain)
In the first, I was the rabbi of Hobbiton and rode around in a shoddy grey wagon helping those hobbits who needed it. I lived in Bag End, where once I was drinking tea when suddenly a ghost came in. The ghost was paper-white, tall, robed in black, and wearing tefillin. The ghost emitted this sphere of coldness and horrible feelings which knocked me out on the floor. When I woke up I was astonished that the ghost had been able to attack me seeing as I had also been wearing tefillin. It also freaked me out that I had fallen unconscious with tefillin on.

In the second dream, there was not so much a plot as drama about lineage and politics between Elves and Half-Elves. I belonged to the former group, which decided that Elrond could stay but everyone else had to get out. On waking, I'm still not sure what exactly are the differences between Elves and Half-Elves in Tolkien's world.

Two Pairs

Feb. 24th, 2011 08:22 pm
cremains: (drunken vulcan)
I dreamed I was in the old city with my stepchildren, plus one imaginary stepchild (a boy between the ages of the other two, kind of fat and washed-out-looking). We were beside the school of my real stepson, Y., just sort of talking and kicking at the flagstones.

One of the school's teachers came out. He approached my stepdaughter, M., and asked her sternly to come with him into the classroom (which would never happen in real life, because GRLS ARENT ALLOWED). She looked at him, a little alarmed, and asked why. He said to discuss what she had mentioned to him earlier. She pretended not to know about it, but I could tell she did, and the teacher said, "To discuss the problem that you and your brothers are not exactly model citizens."

"Excuse me, actually all my stepchildren are model citizens," I said.

"Who was talking to you?" he asked while not looking at me.

I started to ignore him and began putting tefillin on Y. (in real life this is one of his favourite activities). When I finished, he was very pleased, but as I felt my own arm, my tefillin were missing. This made me feel very nervous. I asked M. to come and get my tefillin with me and she took my hand, accompanying me to their obvious location - Pizza Rami.

The dream happened in Hebrew.

***

In another dream, H. and I were on a rattly tram car in Mumbai. H. informed me that we had to get off now and we gathered all our anacronistic suitcases and colourful scarves (?). Suddenly I remembered that I didn't have my tefillin on my arm, so I told him to wait while I put it on. To my horror, the leather tore. "That's what you get when you put them on and take them off so much," said H., who then comfortingly added "I'll teach you a special way that the Jews here in India do it which will stop that from happening again."
cremains: (Default)
Middle Stepchild has proclaimed himself the prophet for birds, something I had jokingly suggested after he kept telling me about all these dreams he had where he spoke with our birds. Now he's running with the idea and can even communicate with birds in his dreams, he says.

His current interests include blind people, dogs for blind people, and sticks for blind people.

I dreamed that I was in yeshiva listening to one of my teachers give a lecture on killing witches. In the dream I recognised the techniques as having been pioneered in the small town in Northern Ireland where I was born. I was very excited to have my hometown mentioned by this teacher. "You have to throw the stone right at the heart of the witch," he was saying.

However, as I was listening, I felt my tefillin shel rosh loosen. The longer the lesson went on, the looser it got, until I had to hold it in place with my hand and there was an entire tefach of loose strap (the measurement in my dream was very precise). I took it off and tried to ease the knot to see if I could adjust it, but the knot fell apart right away, and I couldn't remember how to put it back together again.

I pulled out my phone and started looking up how to tie the knot, but the teacher shouted "What are you doing with your phone in class?"

When I explained to him, his demeanor changed right away, and he came over and took me into another room to show me how to tie the knot. He tied it exactly the right tightness, then sat me down and gave me a big hug. I was very small in size, like a child, and it felt like I was being completely forgiven for having done something wrong.

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this hill is far enough

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